the secrets i wish i could share aloud to you

Wow.

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 20:51:08 GMT

It's been a while. I wish I could have kept up better with this journal, but a lot has happened recently and I have not had the energy.

As those of you who also read comanche's journal know, I had major surgery about two weeks ago. D has taken excellent care of me, and I am slowly getting better and stronger every day, but it has been a lot to deal with, and I am looking forward to when I can resume many of the activities I enjoy, including those of the sort that I post here. *winks*

I hope you all are doing well. :)

Yay!

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 00:50:09 GMT

If you're friends with comanche, you should saunter over to his journal and look at the images he posted from our photoshoot together. If you're not his friend, you should be asking him to add you so you can see, because they look really cool. *grins*

I'm really excited about them- there were some pretty cool results, haha.

From rob_zombie_2099, and just for fun...

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 06:01:27 GMT

Rules: Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.

People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts, as well as state this rule clearly.

At the end you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. (I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you want to repost this, go ahead. Otherwise, it would be cool if you would leave me a note here telling me something about yourself in the same theme as the rules have, if you would like. Also feel free to ask me questions, haha.)

No tagbacks. *smiles*

1. I'm as much of an analytic type as an artistic one.
2. When I'm drunk, I have a disturbing tendancy to try to create and prove mathematical equations to explain the things around me.
3. I've broken more than 10 bones in my lifetime.
4. When I was a kid, we had a katydid that lived in one side of our kitchen sink during an entire winter, until we released it the next spring.
5. I have the deep need to touch anything that looks soft or like it has an interesting texture in fabric or clothing stores.
6. I own two guitars, but I can't really play either of them.
7. Even though I'm a redhead, I'm not Irish or Scottish in my heritage.
8. I'm a total nerd for art history- any and all of it.
9. I'm shorter than the majority of my close friends.
10. When I'm feeling really stressed out or having difficulty dealing with something, my first inclination is to dance until I can hardly move anymore.

So there you have it- you all know a little more about me. I look forward to hearing what any of you have to say. :)

Curiosity.

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 02:51:54 GMT

Just for the sake of finding out, if I started offering prints of my photos for sale, would anyone be interested in purchasing them? I'm not really planning anything as of yet, but I thought I would see what the reaction was. I'm thinking of doing some 13"x17" prints, which could be framed or unframed, etc. Any takers on this idea?

The body as art.

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 06:24:49 GMT

So, with all the interest in my pictures lately (I still am in shock over the response, really- I didn't expect all this attention!), I thought it might be interesting, for my own purposes and for the interest of those here, to write about why I am doing this. What exactly makes me think this is a good idea, and what is my motivation- stuff like that.

So...here goes:
I can't say that this was all my own idea- comanche really pushed me to expand my limits, being the first person to ever photograph me nude (and outside, in October, in a public place, at that!), and also being the first one to put up nude photos of me on the internet. It actually made me really nervous at first- and I was very picky about what went where, what I looked like, etc. To some degree, I still am- I would prefer to not have myself too easily recognized, or to have someone related to my work find me. But, life is a risk, and I really don't have shame about having a body and not being afraid of it, or even finding it beautiful.

What got me started? Well, I got a digital camera, for one. For second, it did make me feel beautiful to be in front of his lens, so I wanted to see if I could do the photo part, too. And, well, I love self-portraiture. I love to be free to express me through an artistic medium of some kind. There really is nothing more physically personal about us than our nude bodies- and I think there should not be a stigma attached to feeling as though you are comfortable and not afraid to show a little (or a lot) of skin. The body is art, it is what you make it. I won't be posting any shots of just my girly bits anytime soon, but I certainly will not be ashamed to have them.

I am keeping this up because I'm having fun, because it's teaching me to be a better photographer, and because, quite frankly, I like to show off a bit sometimes- it's something I look forward to doing when I get the chance to take some new pictures. I am young and pretty now- that might change someday. I don't want to regret not doing something like this while I can. I want to experience everything I can, and I like the rush of knowing that I am being seen- and that I have become available for those who wish to look.

I'm glad I get to share my self and my art of self with others here- and I honour the decisions of others to do the same. It's a strange decision, and it's strange to log onto my computer and see that not only am I naked on the internet, but that others have actually noticed. I like the strangeness of it, I like the dichotomy of being a "bad girl" and a "good girl" in different circumstances- even though I don't see this as a "bad" thing to do- just a new thing. And it's so very fun to be bad sometimes, haha. :P

I guess the whole point is this: I'm proud to do this, and it is my own form of art. Who knows what will happen- I'm glad to just run with it for now.

An overwhelming response, haha!

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 01:55:02 GMT

Wow. I am seriously flattered by the fact that my friends list has suddenly gone over tripling in a matter of slightly over or around 24 hours. Sheesh. I've never been this popular!

Thanks to all of you for your kind comments. I'll try to keep up the work, and bring some new and interesting photos around!

Also look for some text posts in the very near future...I hope I am as interesting in writing as in photos, hehe. :)

Delayed HNT

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 04:24:26 GMT

Just wanted to let ya'll know there was no half-naked Thursday this week because I've been sick and overloaded with school all at once, so I'm taking a week off to recouperate.

I'll have something up next week, though.

Wed, 03 Jan 2007 08:18:38 GMT

"Could you tell me (us) about what it is about D's cock in your mouth that makes you happy?"
alaspooryorich asked, and...well, I thought that warranted it's own post- and D agrees.

I suppose it would be easiest (and a cop-out) to say...well...everything! So, I think I'll make a list, and add details to each item on it. Here goes:

- I love how sensitive and responsive his cock is. It feels good have that physical response from him to my touching his member- it's rewarding for me to have that pleasure, to be allowed to touch him like that, and even more rewarding that he enjoys it.

- I love the way he smells. There is just something about his natural scent down there that makes me super-horny. It smells warm, and manly, and full of sexy goodness that I am more than happy to bury my face in.

- His cock is something that I am in awe of. I don't have a cock, and I am fascinated by his- it's something that I can never experience on my own anatomy, and to be able to see how he experiences it when I have my mouth or hands touching him is wonderful for me.

- I love the way his skin tastes. It is soft on my tongue and soft in my hands on it's surface, with an underlying hardness from his erection- giving a great sensation. His skin tastes good, and I love to taste him and inhale his scent while I do.

- I love how my tasting and playing with his cock makes him happy, makes him aroused, and pleases him. His cock is one part of an amazing person whom I love, and a very intimate part of him at that. It makes me happy to be able to give him pleasure in that way.

- I love to feel how big he is- in any orfice.

- I love to feel him get stiff in my hands or mouth. His cock is a somewhat delicate organ, as all cocks are, but his hardness shows the strength and rigitity of his manhood to me as well.

- I love to be on my knees before him, near his cock. It feels as though my place is there to me, and I feel happy and secure knowing this place, and knowing what I can provide to him. Being able to suck his cock from this place is a deeply submissive experience for me- because I realize his power over me, and it makes me happy to please him in my submission as well.

- I love to have him in my mouth when I am aroused. It makes me feel content and secure.

- I love to feel him orgasm. It doesn't matter to me where he comes- he chooses where and when he likes, and I am always happy to recieve it. I like to wear it on my breasts, or to feel it drip from my pussy as a reminder to me that I am his, and that I am able to share the joy of sexual pleasure with him.

- I feel that his cock is an expression of his power as a man- and I appreciate being able to have an intimate connection to his maleness and his power like that. It makes me feel reverent of what he is, who he is, and what we share.

It's getting late, so that's going to be it for now. If I think of anything else, I will put it down as well later. Hope that answered the question!

A happy slave is an obedient slave...

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 04:18:15 GMT

Last night made me a very happy slave- I had been working hard to accomplish the tasks that D gave me to do- mostly housework, and definetly not my strong point. Needless to say, I don't think I've cleaned that effectively in my whole life- both for the offered secret reward coming my way if I did, and also for the fact that I didn't want to miss out on whatever it was that was at stake. Last night culminated that work into something that I am very pleased by- D rewarded me with a friend of his, female, to play with and to have play with me. I'll let the night unfold as it did for me:

I was given directions at around 8 pm- not to be anxious, to wear something incredibly sexy to go out in, with no underwear, and a bra was optional depending on the outfit chosen- though the one I did pick didn't need one, so I went without- all I had on was a strapless black sheath with a just above the knee skirt, slit to the thigh, that laced up. It was cold and snowy yesterday, so I tenatively made my way out to the car, where I was told to sit in the back seat, wearing my coat and sweater (easily removed) with a blanket around my waist over the skimpy dress. I felt naked, even though none of me was really exposed- an intense turn-on for me.

Thinking that we were going out to a local club as per the directions, I was a little nervous- in the back seat of the car I was already wary of my state of relative undress, and I was more than a little shy about being that way with a lot of people around. My increasing wetness also told me that I was more than a little excited about the possiblity, too- funny how one's mind works. We pulled up in front of the building of his friend, and the part of the plan I didn't know about (who it was that was involved in this secret plan, though I had every reason to suspect that another female was involved, as D had mentioned it earlier) suddenly came to light- I knew who it was D had arranged to come along for the evening. Needless to say, I was pretty excited, because I find her to be rediculously gorgeous, and had seen some photos D had taken of her some time ago, which I readily fantasized about. She's also a sweetheart, and someone whose company I really enjoy, so I was happy to be able to spend some time with her.

D got out of the car, instructing me to wait in the back seat. I tried to focus on the radio, but to no avail. I watched out of the sliver of window available to me not blocked by another car, looking for his return, eager and anticipating. It seemed like forever to me that he was gone- but when you're waiting in the backseat for someone to return, everything seems longer. When D returned, he was alone- and that worried me. Getting into the car, he informed me that we would return in 20 minutes- and asked if I wanted something to eat. I was thrilled, because moments before I had just realized that I was hungry, so we stopped for some sandwiches, had a cigarette, and drove back to pick her up.

So, I waited in the backseat again. I drank some soda, finished my cigarette, adjusted the blanket that was making an attempt to cover my bare legs but mostly failing, shifted as much as I could in the seat (I had been back there for about an hour by the time everyone would return to the car), tried to straighten my legs out, and stared out the same sliver of window as before. Feeling the wetness seeping between my absolutely-locked-together-for-warmth thighs, I finally rationalized that I should at least clean myself up a little down there if I didn't want to embarass myself later. Feeling my heat and moisture, I touched the slick space where thighs meet torso, being welcomed by the smell of my juices. I quietly rubbed my nether region for a few minutes, enjoying the arousal, but not bringing myself to orgasm- I figured that there would be plenty of those to come later. I dried my hands on the edge of the blanket, and snuggled up to wait for a few more minutes, looking out the window. I saw some people in the parking lot, not sure if they could see me or not, and watched. Two figures stood still for a while, then came close to the car- D had returned, bringing his friend along. He ushered her towards the back seat, opened the door, and she slid in next to me.

I didn't even get the words out to say "Hello" before she started to kiss me, legs akimbo and moving to touch.

I felt the car moving, and I felt her teeth meet my lips every time we hit a bump in the road- a nice mix of pleasure and unexpected pain. I tasted alcohol on her tongue. I enjoyed the texture of her fishnet stockings, and the straps attaching them to her garter belt, the PVC skirt that covered her, and the warmth of her body. Her hands roamed, sliding into my coat and taking my breast into one, the other holding me close. I was aroused, to say the least, already moaning by the time she got close to my nipple. The drive seemed longer than I thought to get to the club- and that's because we would never end up going there. It didn't matter- I was already underneath her in the backseat, her legs pinning mine down, hips grinding into mine, my hands rubbing her tight ass, hers grasping my hair, and smothering me in kisses. I could see the tops of trees out the window, knowing we were nowhere near where I was told we were going, and was surprised when we stopped in front of our house. Moments before, she had begun to creep one hand upwards, at first surprised that I was wearing no underwear ("Naughty, naughty"), and then doubly surprised to find my complete lack of hair on my pussy. She rubbed at my labia and clit, teasing, and plunged her fingers inside- first one, then two. It was delicious, and I came for the first time that evening rather quickly, enjoying it, and squealing accordingly. D watched casusally from the driver's seat in the rearview mirror, and told us that the front door was open.

I tried to collect myself as gracefully as I could to exit into the cold again. The blanket I had wrapped myself in was twisted every which way, the top of my dress left one breast exposed, and I was hard pressed to get these things covered in the small space the backseat afforded me. I tried, and got out of the car, following her. She said that I had faked the orgasm- to which I smiled and said that I did not. She teased me for a moment longer, and we went inside.

The warmth of the house was more than welcomed by my exposed skin- and by my pussy, which unprotected under my skirt and coat, felt the cold radiating from the snow on the ground rather keenly. I gathered coats, hanging them up- and dropping hers clumsily- and we started to smoke a cigarette. I think I got about four drags out of mine- D even grabbed it from my hands to ash it, as I was once again locked in an embrace, her mouth and mine pressed together. This went on for a while- she is much taller than I, so there were some issues with balance, and it was almost funny how we would take awkward steps while kissing by default as she leaned down and towards me to reach my lips. She followed me upstairs to the bedroom, taking a drag off my cigarette before I put it out, and then things heated up even more.

By the time I heard D come into the room, she and I were completely entangled on the bed, laying on our sides facing each other, making out and fondling one another. My dress soon came to rest on my waist- breasts and ass clearly displayed- and I felt exposed and annoyed by it at the same time. Neither of us would fully undress- a strange thing to me, especially at first when I was still noticing that I had something on at all. By the end, I didn't even care anymore- I was too exhausted. She took a breif respite to go to the bathroom, and I relished the opportunity to kiss D, my hand on his crotch, and my ass in the air, breasts hanging. I appreciated that moment more than I can say- it helped me to feel even more grounded, and reminded me instantly of being his. She came back into the room, told us we were cute, watched for a moment, and then joined me again on the bed.

I, at this point, couldn't even begin to describe in words all that I felt and experienced. I couldn't tell you where limbs ended and began, how we moved from making out to penetrating. All I know is I sucked and bit and grabbed at and rubbed her breasts and nipples (one of my favorite things about the female anatomy), and at some point, I was on my back, and she was gently tounging and massaging mine. A trail of kisses lead her lower, and her head went between my legs. She lapped gently at my juices, and slowly became more agressive- her tongue explored my slit, stopping occasionally to play with my clit, or to plunge into my cunt- and then traveled to my asshole. I have never been licked there before- I must say, it took my by surprise, and felt very good all at once. I almost didn't know how to react, so I just enjoyed the sensation, and enjoyed her enthusiasm. She plunged her fingers into me, fucking me as I got louder and louder, feeling my pussy spasming over her hand. Throughout, D held my hand, stroked my hair, and traced his fingers over my arm- stopping to grab my nipples. The pain was almost unbearable, and completely exquisite- I rushed towards several more orgasms, my body nearly collapsing.

D then moved me to taste her, and I climbed over her, putting us into a somewhat awkward "69"- this is where I found that I am definetly a lot shorter than she is- and she had to crane her neck to reach me. I moved her thong to the side, seeing her pussy for the first time. Her pubic hair was cropped short, and I felt it's slight bristle on my face as I moved my tongue to taste her wetness- and she was very wet, indeed- I could feel it through her panties, which were soaked, as I moved them away. She tasted wonderful- that slightly sweet, musky taste unique to women. It had been so long since I had tasted another girl that I was happy for the reminder of why I enjoy pleasuring them so much in that way. My fingers probed their way inside of her, exploring, and realized that she was very tight, and very strong- her contraction of muscles as she got close to orgasm nearly pushed my hand out. For the first time in my life, I got to finger-fuck a girl who squirts when she comes- and enjoyed being completely drenched by her pleasure.

I brought her to orgasm several times, amazed by how loud she was, how strong her pelvic muscles were, her shooting orgasms, and the sweet taste of her cum. Mostly, I was amazed by her aggressiveness- she finger fucked me hard, and her hips bucked and she talked and screamed and thrust at me all at once. I have never been with a girl like that before, so it was a fascinating thing for me to experience.

She exploded one last time, and I fell back, my arms exhausted, my tongue exhausted, every part of me exhausted. Leaning back, I looked at D, mouthing "Thank you." I turned over, placed myself between her and D, and she spooned me, rubbing my shoulders and making me feel relaxed and content. I put my head by D's shoulder and embraced him, and we all stayed like that for a while before sleep took hold.

D tells me that she and I spent almost three and a half hours fucking and fondling each other- and my body gladly concurrs. I am hopeful that he will soon use his property- because even though I am sore, I could definetly go for some cock right now- all last night, I wanted him in my mouth, too. Maybe if I'm a very good slave...

Bad at updating.

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 21:00:36 GMT

Things going on recently...

Well, there is apparently some sort of surprise coming my way very soon. Admittedly, I'm a little edgy on the whole idea, but mostly that nervous anticipation of not knowing what he has planned for me and hoping I can meet his expectations- which I am unaware of.

I tried to write an erotic story, but I have found it to be much more difficult than expected. I promise to post it here if I ever finish it...

There have been pictures posted of me. I'm glad they were well recieved. I will ask if I can cross post them here- I really loved the photographs he took, and I always hope for more to be taken. It makes me feel hot.

There is talk of an assignment I shall begin soon of posting partially unclad photos of myself here weekly. If anyone has interest in seeing this, please let me know. This also will require more frequent updates from me, which I believe is a good thing. For now, I believe that I will make them "friends only", unless instructed otherwise.

Some thoughts on The Story of O.

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 02:24:46 GMT

Well, I bought The Story of O yesterday, and I finished it in a few hours. The book didn't have a place where I felt I could leave it off, and read it through in one sitting with little trouble. I could simply say I enjoyed it, for in many ways I did, though it gave me so much to think about, I don't think I could leave it simply at that.

Let me begin with that I understand a lot about how O felt. I can understand much of her desire, much of her thoughts, concerns, her desire to please Rene, to know his love. There are so many things, however, I don't really think I feel so great about, and it has left me feeling somewhat voided- I guess in some ways because I see some things I feel lacking in, and would like, and some other things that are huge fears of mine, things that left me feeling a bit hollow to read.

There was one thing, at the end of the edition of the book I bought, which stated:

"In a final chapter, which has been suppressed, O did return to Roissy, where Sir Stephen abandoned her. There exists a second end to O's story. In that version, O, seeing that Sir Stephen was on the verge of leaving her, preferred to die. Sir Stephen gave his consent."

This has cast an amazingly black feel on me. To love so deeply, and to be more willing to die than to be left, is amazingly powerful. But would I prefer that, in the end? I cannot say. What saddened me was mostly that after her endless submission to these two men, Rene and Sir Stephen, they would just cast her aside. As if they are done with the toy they enjoyed at her expense, her gift given to them, and found her so worthless, so disposable, she no longer mattered. It scares me.

I could not bear to experience all that O did, and then to be forgotten, left behind, cast aside by those who were responsible for those experiences. I could not feel such dispair as wondering if I was still loved, after such a tremendous gift of self. I could not bear to be given away by the one whom I had enslaved myself to. These things, in my mind, are terrifying, especially as I proceed to become vulnerable, as I have already become so vulnerable. Such a deep seated need to be reassured has never come to me so hard- the desire to ask such strange questions and to cling to their answers has never been so strong. I want to talk about it, yet I stumble for words and laid awake last night, feeling cold, sad, and somewhat frightened. This is not to say I have any doubts as to the one I love and give my submission to, this is to say that I am feeling so deeply from this book I need guidance, need reassurance, need him to be here and tell me it's alright, and I am too choked on my words to really ask. This pours out now as a torrent, from my heart, and not my logical head. I know that I am loved, and I feel that. Somehow, I just need comfort that I am unable to find within myself, and do not wish to ask for, out of some need to not say a word, not to appear weak and overly-emotional from the reading of a book.

Tears form, as I feel things as strongly from a book as in my life. I do not cry, but feel them dampen my eyes, ready at any time to fall should I let them. I hold myself back if nothing else than to not let words on a page get to me so harshly. To make me feel so much.

In some ways, in addition to this, I am tragically jealous of O. To know what to expect, to know that one has rules to abide and expectations to meet, to know that to break these would lead to punishment in some way, is something I desire and wait for. To feel such a great power in one's own submission as to allow themselves to be used by anyone who wants them, anyone that her master deemed alright, is not something I think I could ever encounter and live- I have been hurt in my life, and never wish to repeat it, nor have it repeated to me. It takes a long time for me to trust, just as it took me a long time do admit my own desire for submission. Though I have never had second thoughts, I cannot help but to feel that I am somehow less for not wanting such things. That it would make me lesser than. I know that to each their own and that this is fantasy, but all the same...

I suppose the biggest thing I would like that O had is that she knew her place. There are still, at times, moments where I find myself wondering, wishing to feel something or to know where I belong in the balance of power that we share. Noting makes me happier than to feel the ownership that is over me, to know that I am important enough to have that from my Dom. O knew what it was that was wanted of her, she was instructed, trained in all the ways needed to break her and mold her into the ideal these men had of her. She allowed them to take her, to take over her, and she was comforted in it. I seek that. I wish to be used by another for their pleasure as O had been, even when it hurt, even when it was scary. I want to feel the same intense submission, but without the same outcomes. I want to feel it, and know that my place is by the side of the one I love, without question or fear of being abandoned. I want to know what is expected of me so that I can meet those expectations. I want to feel strengthened by my submission and the love that is shared through that.

Just thoughts. I'm trying to process still, and this is more-or-less just a torrent of words I can hardly say.

Yay!

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 02:57:51 GMT

Picked up a copy of The Story of O today. I'm excited to read it, and am trying to hold off as long as I can right now to make the joy last just that much longer.

Sheesh, I never keep up with this.

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 08:10:53 GMT

I'm a delinquent poster, haha. It's not that nothing's happening, it's that I rarely, if ever, have the ambition to sit down and write something long about it.

Today saw an interesting thing, however- my dearest asked me to put away some dishes by the sink tonight as a task. I did so, and washed the few in the sink. For some reason, I started to get quite wet in an area of my body that was not my hands, haha. I guess it turned me on to know I was doing something he asked of me, and that I knew that I had to comply. It felt good to have that- and certainly made doing dishes (which I dislike though tolerate) much more fun.

I think, however, that I have failed on another task I was assigned, so I'm going to spend some time tomorrow to catch up and finish that one, as I have not yet. Meep.

It feels good to be learning my place. I am happy to have such a wonderful person to give my submission to. I hope I can keep learning and doing better and better.

Damn I'm bad at updating this.

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 00:51:21 GMT

I have been enjoying some really hot sex, but not enjoying the hot weather around here, haha. It's been almost hard to do anything sometimes, because we get too heat-lethargic.

I don't have that much to say at this point...besides the fact that I'm entirely ready to go again, haha.

Haven't updated in quite some time.

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 22:52:24 GMT

Yeah. Sorry for that. Life has been more than a bit busy, so I have been distracted.

Not without fun, though.

I just finished reading SM101 by Jay Wiseman- I bought it yesterday, haha. It was very informative, pretty good. It certainly gave me some ideas of things I may like to try someday, situation willing. I recommend it highly, and I can see why it was highly recommended to me.

I will admit that certain sections, while reading it, have caused me to become quite wet. As I just finished (reading, that is...get your mind out of the gutter!), I am enjoying the sensation.

Having been through a considerable bout of the doomed "subbie fever" (however well masked it may have been), I have come into the point where I am seeing exactly what appeals to me and where my limits are, both hard and soft. It feels good to be in this place- the fever-drive spurring me to do much research and learn as much as I could about BDSM and it's related practices.

Hopefully this will come in handy sometime soon, although both my life and his have been a bit stressful for a while now, and that does seem to hamper the process of further exploration for time being, which makes me sad. At any rate, I hope that sometime we can do the things we talked about. Especially certain ideas revolving around a collar and leash...yeah...

With all the stress, I am not without libido, constantly. It's almost frustrating.

It's been a while...

Wed, 15 Mar 2006 04:14:16 GMT

Good god I've been bad at updating this. It's not like I forgot about it, but I was moving and working on our new house, so I suppose that's as good an excuse as any.

On the sex front, we've had some interesting discussions as of late, firstly, and secondly, I have had an interesting offer.

The interesting discussions bit is that it has been determined that he owns my body, which I like. I'm also enjoying the slight verbal humiliation he's been willing to give me (alright, honestly, I love how he calls me his slut/whore/etc...), and there have been more spankings, which also pleases me. We talked it over, the whole ownership thing, and what I enjoy is how for as independent and individual as I am, I am also owned by him. It feels secure to me. It's five days until we've reached 8 months, which is also quite excellent. He falls asleep each night with me safely under his hand, where I feel safe and secure and loved. Hopefully if I take the initiative of supplying some bondage materials, he will indulge me with some playtime. I believe he is somewhat testing me on taking steps to fulfill my own desires, and/or just a little lazy about doing it himself. Who knows, I guess.

The interesting offer bit is actually several offers revolving around a specific friend of ours. She is a photographer, and she is also rediculously hot...and I am rediculously bi. I've been missing some girl action. So, my wonderful, wonderful boy made an offer to her and her boy on she and I having some playtime together in the near future, on the stipulation that the two boys can watch us. I've never done that before (been watched, that is...girls I have more experience with than guys), but it's a nice prospect. The other part of the offer revolves around her photography. She mentioned she wanted to do two photo shoots with me- one solo, most likely involving some artistic bondage, and the other with my boy, involving who-knows-what. I'm intrigued. I've been photographed nude before, but never by anyone but the boy, who is very interested in breaking into artistic nude photography himself. I suppose that he will tell me what he wants, what he would like, and I will aim to please. I'm guessing he's interested, as he has been working to set all this up.

I'm looking forward to Thursday, when I get paid and he's off work. I know what happens then. I'm sure you can guess.

I got...

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 12:10:26 GMT

...some wonderful ass-slaping for being a naughty girl!

Fucking me.

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 21:16:26 GMT

Alright, here's the scoop about me. I like the guy I'm with very, very much. I love him, and he loves me, and it's nice. We have been living together for a while. He makes me hotter and hornier than anyone I have ever met before. He called me a slut the other day, and that was a huge turn on for me. I admonished myself for years over the idea that I could be a slut, that I was dirty and impure and all of those things. With him, though, the idea of being a slut for him is appealing. I desire him all the time, I'm horny almost constantly for his cock.

Hearing him say that made me realize how much I want some things that I am afraid to do or ask him for.

-I want to be tied up, have my wrists and ankles bound, a collar planted firmly around my neck.
-I want him to tell me when I can and cannot orgasm, it would heighten the guilt I already have when I masturbate when he is away from me- like I am stealing that from him. I barely derive pleasure from masturbation anyway, because what my hands can do is nothing compared to what he can do.
-I want him to say things about how slutty and dirty I am. I want him to force me into acting that way for him whenever he desires it.
-I want him to dictate what he wants from me, so I can work to achieve it.
-I want to know how to show him my respect in a way that he likes.
-I want to give him pleasure whenever he wants it.
-I want to be humiliated before him for my slutiness.
-I want to be his cum-whore, his bitch, his slut, his dirty girl. I want him to own my sexuality.

Basically, I want him to dominate me and make me submit to him in all matters of our sex life together. I know he likes to switch occasionally, so fair is fair, I would gladly do it. I would just really like the security of feeling tied and trapped by him, knowing that it is my duty to him as his sub to give him the pleasure he desires, and to obey his commands over mine.
He is already so skilled in pleasuring me, and he is a fantastic tease- brining me just to the brink of orgasm before he stops, leaving me dangling forever until he decides I want it badly enough. I like when he makes me beg and bargain with him for my release- I squirm so hard, trying desperately to force myself over the edge, trying to get him deeper inside me so I can get that, and he just calmly keeps me away. I know he is waiting to see me break a bit for it, he likes me to beg him for his cock. And, every time, I beg, like the good submissive cock slut I am. I promise strip teases, blow jobs, anything I can until I find the proper bargaining chip, all while begging him.

At night he holds on to some part of me possessively, keeping a hand firmly placed somewhere on my body all night, constantly reminding me with that hand that I am his. I love it, I sleep so well in the security of his mastery of my body. This morning, I laid there and luxuriated quietly in the hand firmly gripping my ass in his sleep. After, of course, he grabbed my hand as I was stretching and placed it on the cock I love so much. I stroked it at first, feeling it grow (he is so well endowed), and then gripped it and started jerking him like he taught me to. I was rewarded by the fuck that followed.

That's my sex life in the past few days, and my desires not yet fulfilled.

I want...

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 06:11:02 GMT

To be tied up and forced to be his submissive slut. I am his slut, I know, but still, I want that to be bigger, more powerful.

Lots of sex surveys. Get to know me a bit.

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 23:13:47 GMT

Hi. Welcome to my journal. Here are some surveys.

The Ultimate Sex Survey

1. Had sex? Yes.
2. Had oral sex? Yes.
3. Had anal sex? No.

4. Used more than 3 positions in one session? Yes.
5. Devoted a whole day to sex? Not yet, but at least the majority of a day...
6. Had noise complaints from neighbors during a sex session? No.
7. Received open praise for sexual technique? Yes.
9. Fallen or lost balance during sex? On the edge of the sink a bit, but I didn't fall.
10. Brought partner to climax using only hands? Yes.
11. Brought partner to climax using only mouth? Yes.
12. Had sex while totally dressed? Yes.

13. Had sex while standing up? Yes.
14. Erotically licked feet or sucked toes? Yes.
15. Had sex during yours or her "monthly visit"? Yes.
16. Used whipped cream/soft chocolate erotically? No.
17. Used ice erotically? Yes.

18. Used hot melted wax erotically? No. But I want to sometime.
19. Shaved your pubic hair? Yes.
20. Used a sex toy? No.
21. Bought a sex toy? No.
22. Used an inanimate object (bottle, candle, hairbrush, etc.) Yes.
23. Used other food products besides chocolate? Whiskey.

24. Obtained money or a favor for sex? No, but I've been offered.
25. Paid or granted a favor for sex? No.
26. Given sex in sympathy? No.
27. Had sex with a virgin? A virgin to sleeping with another woman, but she had slept with a guy before.
28. Ever cheated? honestly? Nope.
29. Had sex with someone 10 years older/younger than you? No.
30. Given head/ eat a girl out? Yes to both.
31. Had sex with a teacher? Nope.

32. Had sex with a boss? No. I'm self employed anyway.
33. Had sex with a relative? No.
34. Had sex sessions lasting over 3 hours? Yes.
35. If so, how long? About 4 or 5, I think. Hard to keep track of time in such activities.
36. Had homosexual sex? Yes.

37. Had mulitiple orgasam? Yes. I usually do.

38. If so, how many? I typically orgasm between 3 and 5 times when I have sex.
39. Had sex with someone the same day that you met them? No.

40. Had sex with someone whose name you didn't know? No.
41. Had sex with someone you never spoke to/spoke different languages? No.
42. Had more than 10 sexual partners? Yes.
43. Made your partner cum more then 5 times in one session? Yes.
44. Had two separate sexual partners within 24 hours? Not really. I was in some threesomes, though, but I don't count that as separate so much.
45. ever had violent sex? No.
46. Had group sex (more than 3)? No.
47. Participated in a swap/swinging club? No, I've been asked, but it's not my thing.
48. Had two regular partners at the same time? No.

49. Had sex in a public place? Yes.
50. If so, where? In a historical building and a public restroom.

51.Had sex outdoors in broad daylight? No, but I'd like to.
52. Had sex on the roof of a building? No, but I'd like to.
53. Had sex in a stationary car? No.
54. Had sex in a moving car? No.
55. Are you a member of the mile high club? No.
56. Had sex outdoors at night? No, but I'd like to.
57. Had two sexual partners at the same time unaware of each other? No.
58. What's your favorite position? I like it spooned or from behind, scissored is good too. I don't mind being on top for a while, either.
59. Had sex in the host's bedroom while a day guest (party/social visit)? No.
60. Had sex in the host's bedroom while an overnight guest? Yes, at a friend's house when I was there with my girlfriend at the time.
61. Had sex in a public room while an overnight guest? No.
62. Had sex at your office or other work area? No, that would be nearly impossible with my job.
63. Met partner during work hours to have sex? No. I've skipped work to have sex, but we live together, so there was no meeting up since we already share the bed.
64. Had sex in a public restroom? Yes. Several times.
65. Had sex on public transportation (bus, train, taxi, etc.)? No.
66. Had sex in a dark theatre? No.

67. Had sex in the water (ocean, lake, pool, hot tub)? No, but I would like to sometime.
68. Had sex in an elevator? No, but again, I would like to.
69. Had sex in a cemetery? No. I've had a picnic in one, though.

70. Had sex in a store dressing room? No.
71. Used alcohol to lower resistance to sexual advances? My own, yeah. I'll admit that I used to drink so I could get some action without balking at it in the heat of the moment.

72. Allowed yourself to be felt up by a stranger? That I had met a few hours previously, yes.
73. Looked at a nude magazine? Yes.
74. Looked at an explicit magazine (actual sex acts)? Yes.
75. Seen a live stripper? No, I have too many friends who strip that I don't want to see naked. I've seen a burlesque show, but the girls weren't fully nude.

76. Seen a live sex show? No.
77. Watched someone having sex without their knowledge? Yes.
78. Showered with a partner? Yes.
79. Flashed someone (breasts, genitals, mooned)? Yes.
80. Streaked with a group of six or more? No.
81. Stripped for someone? Yes.
82. Stripped for a group of 3 or more? Yes.
83. Participated at a nude beach or nudist camp? Yes.
84. Been the only nude person in a group of 3 or more? No.
85. Played strip poker (or a similar game involving nudity)? Yes.
86. Showered while someone watched? No.

87. Masturbated? Yes.
88. Masturbated while someone watched? Yes. He likes it when I do that, and I comply when he asks me to.

89. Masturbated for a group of three or more people? No.
90. Masturbated covertly in public? In the car, yes.
91. Had sex while you knew someone was watching? Only the cat.
92. Been walked in on while having sex? Yes.
93. Walked in on someone having sex? Yes.
94. Had phone sex? No.
95. Watched a porno film with a sexual partner? No.
96. Been the photographer for a nude photo? No.

97. Been photographed nude? Yes.
98. Been photographed having sex? No.
99. Been videotaped having sex? No.

So, that's one down.

Age/sexual preference: 21/ bisexual (and I mean this with all integrity).
Have you ever had sex? Yes, I have.
How often would you say you have sex? As often as I can! Maybe every couple days, at least. But I have a regular partner I live with, so that's not too hard for us to arrange.
How old were you when you lost your virginity? I was raped for the first of three times when I was 15. I chose to have sex with a woman for the first time when I was 17, and with a man for the first time when I was 21- the guy I'm with now.
How often do you masturbate? Not so often now, as I have sex pretty regularly.
Do you masturbate picturing a person..or just an act? Depends. I think about my own fantasies.
Do you have sex dreams? At times.
How often do you have sex dreams? Very occasionally.
Is it a stranger.. or someone you know that you have sex with in your dreams? Someone I know.
Have you ever wanted to have sex with a stranger? Not really, I think I'd feel a bit dirty about that.
Have you ever been cummed on? Yes, about a dozen times, give or take.
Have you ever asked to be cummed on? Once, when I knew that would be easiest for him when he was tired, and if he says that's what he wants, I will encourage it.
Have you ever licked cum off of someone? Yes.
Are you dominant or submissive? Primarily submissive, but I am an occasional switch.
Do you like to be spanked? Not really.
Do you like to be smacked? Sometimes it's alright, but depends on where I am smacked and when.
In the face? That's one of the places I don't like so much.
Do you like to be tied down or cuffed? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Do you like anal sex? I have never had it, it sounds like something a bit painful the first time.
How often would you say you have anal sex? I've never had it, so I can't have an 'often'.
Do you think its better than sex? How would I know? I love to have sex.
What do you think is a good size penis? I like the one that I sleep beside now- he's about 8 or so inches. That feels just right.
A good size breast? Proportionate to her body, and not fake. I like them just big enough there is a little weight sitting in the palm of my hand if I cup them.
Where's the weirdest place you have had sex? A historical building downtown.
Have you ever had sex in front of people? No, but if it were people I trusted, it might be interesting.
Have you ever had sex with someone else in the room sleeping? No.
Have you ever had a threesome? Yes, several times.
Foursome? I'm not closed to the idea, if I know the people first.
More some? Same as above.
Have you ever wanted to? Same as above..
Have you ever kissed someone of your same sex? Yes.
Did you like it? Yes.
Ever have oral sex with someone of the same sex? Yes.
Ever use a vibrator? Not in my own sexual practices, but one has been used on me at a bondage club show.
Ever went near the ass during masturbation? Once or twice, to see what it felt like.
Ever have someone finger your ass? Yes.
Eat it? No.
Ever finger someones ass? Yes.
Ever eat someones ass? No.
Ever pee on someone/or let someone pee on you? No.
Do you like the taste of cum? It's not terrible, but I don't love it.
Ever have someone cum in your ass/or cum in someones ass? No.
Ever tasted your own cum? Yes.
Ever have someone lick your feet? Yes, it was weird and it tickled.
Ever lick someone elses feet? No.
Do you enjoy sensual massages? Oh yes.
Ever use anything for masturbation that wasnt made to do that? Yes.
When was the last time you had sex? At about five this morning.
How often do you watch porn on the net? I've never watched porn on the net, just seen some pictures.
Look through porno mags? Only old ones I cut up to make silly magnets out of for my fridge. I've only done that once, though.
Have porn tapes? No.
Dvds? No.
Ever been in porn? No.
Ever been on a website naked? I think a few nudes of me have been posted.
Ever made your own porn? No.
Whats the most people you had sex with in one day? Two, in a threesome.
Do you think your just a little slutty? A tiny, carefully gaurded bit. I really don't like sex without more than the physical connection, though.

And now, we do it again!

( ) I NEVER DRESSED IN DRAG
( ) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DRUNK
( ) I NEVER HAVE SMOKED POT
( ) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
( ) I NEVER HAVE KISSED A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
(X) I NEVER CRASHED A FRIEND'S CAR
(X) I NEVER WENT TO JAPAN
( ) I NEVER RODE IN A TAXI
(X) I NEVER HAD ANAL SEX
( ) I NEVER HAVE BEEN IN LOVE
( ) I NEVER HAD SEX
( ) I NEVER HAVE HAD SEX IN PUBLIC
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN DUMPED
( ) I NEVER SHOPLIFTED
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FIRED
( ) I NEVER BEEN IN A FIST FIGHT
( ) I NEVER HAD A THREESOME
( ) I NEVER SNUCK OUT OF MY PARENT'S HOUSE
( ) I NEVER BEEN TIED UP (SEXUALLY)
( ) I NEVER BEEN CAUGHT MASTURBATING
(X) I NEVER PISSED ON MYSELF
( ) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX
( ) I NEVER HAD SEX WITH A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE SEX
(X) I NEVER BEEN ARRESTED
(X) I NEVER MADE OUT WITH A STRANGER
( ) I NEVER STOLE SOMETHING FROM MY JOB
(X) I NEVER CELEBRATED NEW YEARS IN TIME SQUARE
(X) I NEVER WENT ON A BLIND DATE
( ) I NEVER LIED TO A FRIEND
( ) I NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON A TEACHER
(X) I NEVER CELEBRATED MARDI-GRAS IN NEW ORLEANS
(X) I NEVER BEEN TO EUROPE
( ) I NEVER SKIPPED SCHOOL
(X) I NEVER SLEPT WITH A CO-WORKER
(X) I NEVER HAVE BEEN FISTED AND/OR HAVE NEVER FISTED ANYONE
( ) I NEVER HAVE THROWN UP IN A BAR
( ) I NEVER CUT MYSELF ON PURPOSE
(X) I NEVER HAD SEX AT THE OFFICE
(X) I NEVER GOT MARRIED
(X) I NEVER GOT DIVORCED
(X) I NEVER HAD CHILDREN
(_) I NEVER HAVE PURPOSELY SET A PART OF MYSELF ON FIRE
(_) I NEVER HAVE EATEN SUSHI
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN SNOWBOARDING
(_) I NEVER HAVE BEEN HAPPY WITH MYSELF
( ) I NEVER HAVE MET A MOVIE STAR
(X) I NEVER HAD SEX IN A POOL.
( ) I NEVER HAVE TAKEN ECSTASY
( ) I NEVER BEEN TO A CONCERT
( ) I NEVER RAN AWAY FROM HOME
(X) I NEVER PLAYED SPIN THE BOTTLE
( ) I NEVER HAD SEX IN OTHER PLACES THAN A BED
( ) I NEVER HAVE BEEN TO COURT
( ) I NEVER HAVE BEEN SUSPENDED FROM SCHOOL
(X) I NEVER HAVE HAD SEX WITH AN OLD PERSON
(X) I NEVER HAVE HAD SEX WITH A DEAD BODY
( ) I NEVER HAD SEX IN THE SHOWER

So, there you have it. Lots of sex information about me.